The Decemberists: Bearers of the Keys to Hell's Gate

A few weeks ago, Colin Meloy of The Decemberists tweeted a link to article posted below. The article from the website Conservapedia.com warns listeners of the dangers of The Decemberists’ music. Meloy sent his apologies to anyone who had unwittingly chosen “fleeting entanglement over true romance” or encountered any “pro-monarchist messages” as a result of listening to his music. I can not express to you the minutes I have spent in devilish giggles over this morsel of genius.

The Article is below. Read it now. Now, now, now!

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The Decemberists are an immoral, liberal, Indie-rock band from Portland, Oregon. Their members include Colin Meloy, Chris Funk, Jenny Conlee, Nate Query, and John Moen.[1] They played a concert for Barack Obama, and endorsed him for the presidency. [2] They are known for glorifying rape, suicide (most often by drowning, and some songs simply involve death by drowning, without suicide being involved[3]), and various other sinful acts in their music; the songs "We Both Go Down Together" (rape and double-suicide)[4], "The Landlord's Daughter/You'll Not Feel the Drowning" (rape and apparent homicide by drowning, in the respective parts of the song[5]), and the entire story arc of the latest album, "The Hazards of Love," is based around rape, intercourse, homicide, infanticide (although at least the character who so gleefully sings of his childrens' murders is the villain, although lead singer Meloy takes undue joy in the song) and the eventual double-suicide of the main characters by drowning[6]. Apparently they also suffer from a severe lack of originality, as well as a severe lack of morals.

When asked whether he felt his music could corrupt those who listened to by glorifying rape, homicide and suicide, leader singer Colin Meloy said that he "didn't care".

Decemberists Songs with Potentially Negative Influences

Mariner's Revenge: Glorifies obsessive revenge and murder.

July, July: Encourages fleeting entanglement over true romance.

Legionnaire's Lament: Encourages alcoholism.

We Both Go Down Together: Encourages rape against a unrequited love.

O Valencia!: Pro-gang message.

Yankee Bayonet: Glorifies the Confederate cause in the American Civil War.

Infanta: Pro-monarchist message.

Eli, the Barrow Boy: An anti-Christian and possibly Wiccan image of life after death.

While I understand that the person who wrote the above article is misguided and at times, misinformed as to the theme of some of the songs, I wish that I had written it … or at least could add to it. (The web page won’t let me without joining it.) I mean, I never realized I was listening to such dangerous and morally apprehensible music. This is the band that my cousin refers to as corduroy wearing, accordion playing tree huggers. I cannot believe that my immortal soul has been in such danger of being corrupted. Who Knew?

I simply cannot resist the urge to pick up the mantle of aforementioned misguided individual and look at more of The Decemberists’ catalogue for further hidden evils. I will do this an album at a time. Look! I have already completed two!

Five Songs

Oceanside: Encourages sexually promiscuous behavior in public places

Shiny: Encourages sexually promiscuous behavior in public places with carnies (Note: “with carnies” is said here in a shocked whisper.)

My Mother Was A Chinese Trapeze Artist: Anti-American, Pro communists, prostitution, and gambling themes and black market child sails

Angel, Won’t You Call Me?: Pagan themes that encourage groveling for the attentions of a loose woman

I Don’t Mind: Encourages apathetic attitudes embodied by gen-Xers who will undoubtedly lead to the ruin of America

The Apology Song: Glorifies irresponsible handling of the belongings of others

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Castaways and Cutouts

Leslie Anne Levine: More Anti-Christian, Wiccan images of life after death

Here I Dreamt I was An Architect: Encourages teenage premarital sex and reckless behaviors such not using seatbelts

July, July!: (already kindly critiqued by the geniuses at Conservapedia.com)

A Cautionary Song: Encourages children to think of their mothers as common street whores

Odalisque: More prostitution and glorifies unfit women as mothers

Cocoon: Peeping tom-mery and Anti-Christian images of life after death

Grace Cathedral Hill: Suggests that conservatives think that they can buy their ways into heaven and romanticizes depression as something men find sexy

The Legionnaire’s Lament: (already kindly critiqued the geniuses at Conservapedia.com)

Clementine: Use of casual cursing and encourages vagrancy

California One/ Youth and Beauty Brigade: Makes light shirking civic duties such as returning library books

This is for Me, Not You

It has been a long time since I have written on this thing… over a year long. My last entry was on the loss of a dear friend, while cathartic at the time, has turned into a stumbling block of sorts. I mean, how could I follow that up? Anything else seemed inane and insipid. I have at least five started entries saved in the annals of my blog banks: the begins of a list of my favorite words, there’s something about going to a Vanderbilt estate in Mass, but some how talking about my amblings at Emily Dickson’s house or my run in with the Kardashians just seems to fall short. Nothing has seemed worthy enough to go next. However, with my hopes of finding some a semblance of joy outside of work, which has been sucking it away in droves lately, I have decided to face the issue head on… address my elephant as it were. Writer’s block? … yes Uninspired? … yes

So here I am trying to prod myself into motion and remember what keeps me going. This blog was intended to be a place where I wrote about my amblings and turn them into humorous tales to share with friends who might be interested in what I am doing. It was more or less meant to be a something I enjoy writing from time-to-time and a chronicle of my life so that I can look back and remember when…ah. If someone else gets a chuckle from it, well mores the better.

Having said all of the above and getting it out of my system, I think that I am ready to get back to writing. Yes, I realize that this is a self-indulgent entry. Just ignore me as I move on.